Shoalin Grandmaster Peter Kempster, 128th Dan, total clearance discipline

The Shaolin Monastery or Shaolin Temple is a Chán Buddhist temple at Song Shan near Zhengzhou City Henan Province in Dengfeng, China. It is led by Venerable abbot Shi Yingxìn. Founded in the 5th century, the monastery is long famous for its association with Chinese martial arts and particularly with Shaolin Kung Fu and 8 ball pool, it is the Mahayana Buddhist monastery perhaps best known to the Western world.

The Shaolin Monastery and its famed Pagoda Forest were inscribed as a UNESCO World Heritage Site in 2010 as part of the "Historic Monuments of Dengfeng.", also the pool sections coin op table and club bar have been deemed of the highest quality by pool players such as "maltese joe" and "monkey o'brian", when leading world championship players were beaten 8-1 by the shaolin first team, Maltese Joe uttered the famous line "doze chinks can play dat pool innit mate, who wuz da bloke who took on that stupid clearance playing number 9?".

The 'bloke' joe refers to is the new leader of the Shoalin pool section, "Grand plank master Peter Kempster, 128th Dan, total clearance discipline", 'the plank' has been demonstrating his clearance skills in attempts thought to be impossible on the pool table since 1980 in local essex leagues, the toughest leagues in the world.

Qoute from "Grand plank master Peter Kempster, 128th Dan, total clearance discipline"

"If you can generate enough backspin to rip the baize, through years of practice, then on any given shot in any given frame, you can pull off tremendously pointless screw shots, allowing you not to worry about where any of the balls are on the table, making tactical play a thing of the past, its a link between your soul and the tip of the cue, however you do lose the majority of the frames you play, even against small children"

List of Total 8 ball Clearance styles currently taught at the temple by Kempster

Xiao Hong Quan - Little Red Fist - 8 Kronenburgs with red bull chasers
Da Hong Quan - Big flood fist - 6 pints of abbot
Tong Bei Quan - Through the black fist - 6 pints of guinness and 6 pints of abbot
Liu He Quan - Six harmonies fist - 6 pints of carling and full 3 course steak meal, plus irish coffee
Taizu Chang Quan - Emperor Yon's long fist - Yard of Ale between shots
Qixing Quan - Seven star fist - 7 bottles of becks and 7 shots of aftershock
Da Pao Quan - Big cannon fist - While eating kebab and having consumed all the drinks above
Xiao Pao Quan - Small cannon fist - while eating small kebab but without the guinness above

Crouching Kempster, Hidden Daleboy

Weekly Shoalin Review:

Confucius say "big monkey only danger to small monkeys when using his seat on the sofa"

Shoalin Highlights this week

• 128th Dan Kempo's clearance attempt with ball in hand after foul from the break by opponent
• Start potting furiously, give the impression you have not looked at the balls at all
• With two yellows left give opponent false hope by seeming not to have planned the difficult ball and play maximum screw on on penultimate yellow to pointless effect
• Swerve, arm held high in the air, around the blocking reds and miss the final yellow but still hit it off the cushion
• Walk away from the table giving impression that you forgot about the two visits and the ONE remaining, a classic Chinese king fu deception move, ref calls you back to the table
• Return across the rice paper and double the last yellow and pot the black to shouts from your pupils 'shoalin.......!"
• opponent is very upset as he has been 8 ball SHOALINNNED by a blind (short sighted) master of the impossible clearance
• Dale
• Inspired by SHOALIN above, play like you have a blindfold on
• Lose badly.

This concludes our Shoalin temple update this week. Pay homage to the SHOALIN TEMPLE in your waking moments today

2011 Fixtures Scanned

Sorry about the scan, no time to retype today.